When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
