I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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