was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
