This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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