my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
