I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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