i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
