If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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