I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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