He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I deserve this hangover.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
