You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
