Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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