Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
