You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
