She said her name was "party"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
