just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
