i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
