um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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