If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
