Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
