dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
