we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
