He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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