So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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