Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
