Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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