I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
