So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
