the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
