I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
