When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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