maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
