pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
