Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
