he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
