i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
