He had one of those small greek statue penises
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
