I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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