Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize