Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
