a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
