Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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