Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
