how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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