I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is the high leading the old right now
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
