You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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