in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
