I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
