i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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