He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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