it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
