I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
