remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
