There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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