my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
