Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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