Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
