why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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