chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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