I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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