I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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