that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
