hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
