Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
