Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
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He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop