Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?