I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've blown a few things in my day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
