Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
where are you?
Hypothermia
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
