I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
