it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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