You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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